The Jeckyl & Hyde of myself as Mom!

As some of you know I went back to work a year and a half ago. Back to the craziness of live entertainment and all its demands, excitement and fast-paced exhilaration! It has been as wild a ride as Mr. Toad’s and the year passed us by in a blur. Conor successfully entered and loved kindergarten; Ada completed year 2 of preschool and we welcomed our 1st Au Pair to hang with Phoenix and chauffeur the gang everywhere they needed to be. Tommy continued working at his start-up and between the two of us, a solid 100-120 hours were worked combined a week. Yes, you read that right. Between my 60 hours a week and his 60+ a week, it’s a wonder we saw the kids. Let’s not even recall that I was still Co-President of LexFUN! up until this past June.  There were many days I longed for a time-turner like Hermione used in Harry Potter!

My head is almost back on straight, because I swear I’ve had a crook in my neck for over a year just trying to figure out which end is up! I have been slowly writing again and even managed to write the 1st 10 chapters of an adult fiction novel. Yah!  I’m glad to be back writing here and writing on my own for my own sanity, as it genuinely helps me breakdown what is going on in our lives and it’s a wonderful way for me to document us as a family.

So here goes…

There are some mornings I can’t cart-wheel to work fast enough and then others when dragging myself off the playground and out of my daughter’s clenched hands at her preschool are heart-wrenching.

Being a mom first and foremost is hard enough, but then add in your own moral values, your determination to be successful, personal goals, reputation, love for anything outside of being just a mom on top of that and Oh My Goodness! My whole being has felt like a surly oyster at the bottom of a murky sea that is full of land mines filled with treasures and explosions that I have to cautiously wade my way through.

Sixty hour work weeks have become my norm: wake up at five twenty a.m. and go to CrossFit. Be back at seven a.m. to work for a couple of hours and help the kids get off to school. Hop in the car and head to work till at least six and sometimes as late as eleven p.m. like the other night. Try to be back in time to actually make dinner or miss family dinner and bedtime completely and quietly sneak into the kid’s rooms while they are fast asleep to kiss each of them on the forehead and tuck them in knowing I will see them in the morning after my workout and after I’ve downed at least one cup of Joe and with any luck two!

I craved the opportunity to go back to work. I MISSED the importance of it – and how it made me feel. Yet now that I am in it, I crave the simple pleasures of watching Conor discover his love for reading; or helping Ada learn how to ride her bike; or just watching Phoenix discover this world and all it has to offer through his bright and excitable eyes. I wonder to myself does Tommy ever crave the kids like I do? Does he ever yearn to be in two places at once every single moment of the day.

I love working, but it comes with the price of being emotionally torn every day and feeling as though I am letting my children down by not being there and ultimately letting someone else who is much younger raise them for the hours we are not there — teaching the kids their values and thoughts, vs. our own.

It’s hard being a parent and I know all of us go through our own challenging journey and I’m realizing that every stage of our lives has different obstacles that demand us to think outside of our comfort zone and ultimately makes us stronger individuals. Many of us work because we need to work whether it be for money, for sanity, or both! The key for me is finding a balance as a parent where I can do what I love outside of being a Mom, while still impacting my children’s lives and being a large part of it in the moment and not from afar.

Here’s to discovering what’s best for us as a a family and myself! Keep your fingers crossed and advice is welcome!

xoxo

Burban Momma

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DON’T Let the 5-Year Old Drive the Bus!

Never have I pretended to be the best Mom out there…ummm…or even the most responsible, but after reading this, you just might put me in the Moms that need additional help category!  It’s true I am a Mom who believes in long leashes and who wants my children to experience life to the fullest. It’s also true that I have a very tall, and quite curious five-year old. So the story begins.

With a mild winter thus far, the temperature tonight is just above zero degrees and with the wind howling, it feels a lot colder. Having let the car heat up for a bit, I begin the process of getting everyone out to the car when I stop suddenly, still clutching the door handle, as I realize my car is in the middle of the driveway. Huh?

Slowly I walk outside and down the steps towards the car, parked innocently in the middle of our driveway. As I walk, I look up. I look left. I look right. I look around. As I reach the car, my five-year old son, Conor hops out of his seat on the back left side of the car and walks towards me seemingly without a care in the world. I can hear ”doot-da-doo” tumbling through his brain as if shouting ‘Nothing to see here!’ Hmmm.

It’s quite dark outside, but as the moon shines down, it illuminates the white left bumper that is now hanging off my car. OMG. What could possibly tear the bumper off?  I look at my car. I look back at Conor and suddenly it clicks as I ask him why my car is in the middle of the driveway.  He’s quick to respond with an ‘I don’t know’. Of course he doesn’t. Yet, my car didn’t just drive itself to the middle of the driveway, we aren’t after all housing Christine, the Highlander.

I jump backwards to intercept Conor from going into the house as my partner in crime, Tommy walks out wondering what all the commotion is about.  From a completely new angle, the garage appears out of the darkness behind Conor, its white frame screaming out in a new and altered angle: from straight to diagonal and back a few feet. No shit.

Ouch!

Ouch!

“Conor did you drive my car into the garage?”, I ask dumbfounded.

“No”, he replies innocently.

“Conor?” Tommy asks with more substance as if to shout ‘You tell me the truth right now’!

“I didn’t even touch the steering wheel!”, he screams.

Holy shit, I think to myself, as the realization sinks in. ‘Conor drove into our garage.’ Talk about feeling dumb, scared, and really in awe all at once. Tommy looks at me and gives me the look of pure stupidity as he asks me if I left the keys in the car. To which I reply yes, I do it all the time as we live in the middle of nowhere and I didn’t think our five-year old son could drive, never mind knew to put his foot on the brake to change gears!

Fighting in front of your kids is never a good thing to do. Add on top of that the pure shock that is likely coursing through Conor as he tries to put on a big boy show of bravery, while having been scared out of his mind. I look at him in a new light and truly feel for him.  I can remember loads of crazy things I did as kid and sometimes I wonder how I made it this far, so in my most practiced and patient parent voice, I ask if he is ok and if anything hurts.

“Mom, I had my seatbelt on.”, he assures me.

“WHAT?”, I internally scream.  Oh boy! LOL. After I pause to contain myself and shoot Tommy a look of let’s get him into the house right now because the kid has been through enough tonight, I know what’s coming next and Conor isn’t the only one in trouble on this blistering cold night. But alas, I’ll just stick to this story today. No need for more Mom bashing. :-)

We all know accidents can happen fast.  Conor walked out to the car two minutes before me and Tommy arrived home one minute later. So in the time it took Tommy to walk into the house and me to open the front door to leave, a minute had passed. One minute is all it took Conor to back into our garage and kick the wall off its hinges and take out the right-hand side of the garage door. One minute to put the car in reverse and slam into the garage, to figure out how to move the car into D for drive and then, to put the car perfectly back into park. 1 minute.

Sure the garage is a disaster and it’s going to cost a good chunk of change to fix. BUT, my five-year old is alive and well, he thankfully did remember to put on his seatbelt and equally important, didn’t run over anyone: dog, brother, sister, or himself. This could have been a lot worse and I am so thankful that we came out of this with just minor injuries (ego, garage, car) and perhaps a reinforced reason to never leave my keys in the car and for Conor, a reminder that he needs to be 16 to drive!

xoxo,

Burban Momma

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Oops, she did it again!

For as long as I can remember, which is practically my entire life, since I’ve know my very funny friend Kerrie Gallagher since she was 3-years old and I was 4-years old, Kerrie can make anyone laugh.  She can transform a crap day into a day you are chuckling through the tears. Tears of laughter that is. She has that knack to make anyone laugh and here she goes again with a Guest Blog from Sassy Single Mom dot Com. Check it out and LIKE them because between her and Gretchen, official Sassy Single Mom, the humor just keeps coming and a good thing too, because I need a post today. :-)

Take a Chill Pill…Your Words Are Showing Your Age

By Guest Blogger: Kerrie Gallagher

Like accents that identify which part of the country we are from (Wicked awesome!), certain words and phrases give away our age. Pop culture catchphrases and references go in and out of style like soul patches, the “Rachel” haircut, and to go back even further… M.C. Hammer pants. As a Gen X’er I am headed into the world of the uncool. The same place where I mocked my parents for making 8 Track and disco references. Let’s face it, Madonna and Def Leppard now play on the oldies station. Mike Myers is Shrek to the younger groups, not Wayne Campbell or Austin Powers. I started to make this realization when I watched my 9 year-old nephew’s first basketball game. “Wow!” I said, “You’re better than Michael Jordan.” He looked at me quizzically and said, “Who’s Michael Jordan?” Ugh… shot through the heart. (Did your mind start playing Bon Jovi? Yep, you’re old too. Not that there is anything wrong with that.)

Are you showing your age with your words? You don’t think so? Well, talk to the hand becauseyou can’t handle the truth. Break out your Trapper Keeper and take this quiz. If you find yourself saying YES to any of these… don’t be alarmed if an old-school intervention is coming your way.

1. You sometimes get the urge to say “Not!” at the end of a sentence.
2. You want to exclaim, “Whazzzuuupppp?”, “How you doin’?”, or “Word up!” when you answer your cellular.
3a. You either say out loud or to yourself, “Show me the money!” or “cha-ching” when you open your paycheck.
3b. That was a test… your paychecks should be digital.
4. When getting ready to go out with your girlfriends the phrases, “bust a move” or “get jiggy with it” are mentioned. OR while at a bar you refer to an attractive guy as, “Rico Suave.”
5. You say “two thumbs up” when describing a movie you’ve liked.
6. “Yada, yada, yada.” is said when you don’t want to go into too many details.
7. You still use the phrase, “Who’s your Daddy?” at athletic events.
8. “Psyche!” is said after trying to trick someone.
9. When on a boat or rooftop you want to yell, “I am King of the World!”
10. Any of the following words or sayings are still part of your vocabulary… “da bomb,” “bling,” “stoked,” “d’oh,” “as if,” “phat,” “ya mother,” “You go girl!”, “cool beans,” “buzz kill,” “We were on a break!”, or “what up, G?”

Did you say yes to at least one of these? No? Is that your final answer? Well, isn’t that special? I guess that’s my bad. I’m not worthy! (Oops, I did it again.) Hopefully catchphrases in the new millennium will be “legen… wait for it… dary.” The tribe has spoken. Peace out.

 

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Guest Post: “Colored” People from a 4-Year-Old’s Perspective

Thank you to Kerrie Gallagher for an incredible post on sassysinglemom.com. Somehow you always know how to say it just so and with a bit of humor no less.  I love this post. :-)

By Guest Blogger: Kerrie Gallagher
While driving to a relative’s house for a cookout I heard my parents talking about my older cousin and her new boyfriend. Even though I couldn’t hear their entire conversation, I sensed the disapproving tone in my father’s voice. “What are you guys talking about?” I nosily asked, with my four-year-old body wedged into the small space above the backseat, smooshed next to the rear window of the car. (No seat belts then!)

“You’re cousin Janice is dating a colored kid and he is going to be at the party,” my father replied matter-of-factly.

My stomach sank with nerves. I had never seen a colored person before. What would I say? Would I stare at him? I always wondered what a colored person looked like. I first imagined it when I heard Lou Reed’s lyrics to, “Walk on the Wild Side.” The line, “… and the colored girls say…” was catchy and I would picture colored people in a Woodstock type of environment, singing.

When we arrived at my aunt’s house and I anxiously surveyed the backyard, clinging to my mother’s leg. My eyes scanned back and forth, looking for my cousin’s colored boyfriend, but no colored person yet. I finally made eye contact with Janice and she waved me over. I reluctantly made my way across the yard. Butterflies in my stomach. “Meet my new boyfriend,” she said. The moment of truth. She pointed to her left and introduced me to the boy sitting next to her.

Hmmm, my father is wrong. Janice’s boyfriend isn’t colored after all. I was so relieved I didn’t have to meet a colored person for the first time.

On the way home I told my parents, “Janice isn’t dating a colored person, she’s dating a black person, like Gordon from Sesame Street.” They looked at each other quizzically and started to laugh. I went on to explain that colored people had stripes, like a rainbow, all of the colors, red, orange, green, yellow, blue, and purple.

There we were in the car, two different generations with two very different viewpoints. My parents being born before Martin Luther King, Jr. and the Civil Rights movement and me, after MLK and equality. To me, seeing my white cousin with a black man wasn’t strange or odd. I didn’t think anything of it. A testament of the importance of Martin Luther King, Jr’s advocacy and why we honor him every third Monday in January.

Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. day. A day that honors the civil rights activist who fought discrimination and racism a half of a century ago. While watching a biography of MLK, I reflected on that day 30 years ago with my parents, the first time I was conscious about other races. Since then, I am happy to say my parents no longer feel that interracial couples are immoral and that if they did see a couple walking down the street, they wouldn’t think twice about it. People do change. (They wear seat belts now too!)

This post is originally from sassysinglemom.com where Kerrie is a guest writer.  Here’s a little about Kerrie: Jack of all trades, master of nothing. I am a blog freelancer, graphic designer, app developer, start-up founder, music guru, former class-clown, art lover, film fan, road trip planner, roller coaster rider, guitar player wannabe, juggling extraordinaire, Boston sports follower, and life liker. Oh and I am probably the oldest 12-year-old on the planet.

Thank you Kerrie!

xoxo, Burban Momma

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The Giving Germ

The Holidays always seem to be full of lots of Giving. Giving presents.  Giving Holiday Cards. Giving thanks.  Giving germs.  The biggest present of them all so they say. I do love the holidays, but without fail in the middle of the craziness someone gets sick or gets the rest of us sick and this year was no exception.

We recently watched Home Alone with the kids and oh! how we laughed together.  Conor must have said it was the funniest movie he’d ever seen a hundred times!  Well, remember the opening scene where the family is running around and chaos just consumes the family, all while a nice cop checks in to let the family know they’ll be keeping an eye on the neighborhood.  That was us this year.  Sure, we didn’t go to France (I wish!), but once Tommy’s brother and his family arrived and Gramma & Gramma were in town, it was game on…. let the festivities and the germ-festation begin.

Everyday proved worthy of a different adventure with someone new getting a gift of the Germ. What began with let’s head to the Museum of Science and then go to the Esplanade’s new playground on day 1, ended with a quick walk to the elementary school behind our house so we were “close to the bathroom” for victim #1. The next day, on Christmas Eve, we thought it would be fun to try again…hah!…another person went down for the count and a local hike to find the Princess’s Crown by the molting swamp began.  (Thankfully we are surrounded by woods and trails and any number of “swamps” could hold the crown, or as luck may have it in our case, a gnome village).

Phi loving the spin!

Phi loving the spin!

FUN was still had close to home!

FUN was still had close to home!

Christmas morning arrived bright and early and as the excitement ran through the house, so too did more germs. Our side began peeking at Santa’s masterpieces at close to 5am, such payback as I can recall doing the same thing to my parents, whereas the rest of the house slept soundly till almost 7:30am.  Those bastards!  Did I mention the excitement?  Yes, yes.  Lots of happiness and oohing and awwwing.  Conor couldn’t wait to start building his Lego double helicopter, Ada played with her Barbies and figurines all morning, and cousin Ethan carried a box with his new Cars cars from here to there, coughing everywhere.  Even the little guys were pretty happy, both of who are big into balls of any size and shape and ignored the germs, that by this point must have been synching their claws into them (although thankfully waited to show itself till post Christmas for lil Phi…we brought him in for wheezing one day this past week and a spiked fever another day ….so it seems almost never-ending with that little germ giver…the gift that keeps on giving).

Phi getting ready to ride!

Phi getting ready to ride!

Gramma and Gramma with Conor

Gramma and Gramma with Conor

The grown up kids all seemed quite psyched about presents too, minus Jason, but he was already starting to go down Germ Alley and could have just been cranky at tom’s lack of inspiration – of course, any dinner at Red Bone’s is enough inspiration for me and likely the trip to Somerville got rid of some of those pesky germs and they decided to hang out where they belong…which is not in our house!

Personally, even with the oncoming germ-fest, I had a blast Christmas morning and I even got a terrific present from Tommy and the kids – they went and fixed up this road bike I had bought back in June! with new hand brakes, new pedals and a tune-up.  With the busyness of the summer, I just never found the time and somehow with the busyness of the fall and holidays, I never even noticed it missing!

It was around mid morning that I received my present from the giving germ and gasp?!, we were hosting 19 people at 4pm for Christmas Day Dinner.  Before anyone was the wiser, I snuck off to bed at 10:30am and slept till 1:30pm.  Bliss and then it was go – go – go.  Thankfully we had prepped A LOT the day before or really I don’t think I could have done it and yet, somehow we pulled it off.  It was a team effort and my brother and sister-in-law were the best teammates we could ask for, multi-tasking with the best of em.  By the time, the grandparents and great grandparents started trickling in, the apps were out and the wine and wineglasses were a ready.

I could tell I wasn’t on top of my game, but watching the joy of everyone opening gifts I had thought long and hard over was a wonderful thing to witness and to me, what Christmas is all about. Of course, the giving germ does not care that we have guests and that we are HOSTING.  What’s it to them?  They are, after all, following the Christmas spirit and by 6pm, I was wiped.  I think it was all I could do to get off the couch and say bye to people.  Ugh.  There is nothing like being sick, when you think you are going to get away unscathed.  Total buzz kill.  My mother-in-law even asked if she could get me some more wine, to which I said, “I think it’s only making me worse!”

So, here we are in the New Year and thankfully that pesky Germ is making leave and we are almost ALL healthy.  It has taken its toll on our family though and somehow Conor has remained unscathed and is still full of energy!  Yah!  My hope is we paid our dues with the Germs and they will leave our village for yet another year and maybe, just maybe we will have a Happy, Healthy 2013, and germ free!!!

Xoxo,

Burban Momma

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Tough Mudder has nothing on us Mothers!

Did you read my New Year’s post and wonder the hell is Tough Mudder!? Well if you are curious…and maybe want to join us?!, my dearest friend Kerrie Gallagher wrote a poignant blog about it and sums it up quite nicely! Her point about having been an incredible athlete to getting sore feet after walking around the mall for 3 hours especially touched me (although 3 hours at a mall, would likely depress me in other ways beyond my feet)! It’s about trying to do something and putting a goal out there that you can work towards accomplishing.

I remember when I was first pregnant with Conor and hadn’t a CLUE about dealing with a baby, never mind feeding him, bathing him and ya know, being his over all caregiver!? So I read books (lots of em!) and we took a super baby class and we TRAINED for a new stage of life.  When Conor finally (he was late!) did make his debut, I remember feeling so ready and knowing this baby was certainly going to change our world, but we prepared for it and no matter what came our way, we’d be able to handle it.

That’s how I feel about Tough Mudder.  A year ago I ran my 1st 5K on New Year’s Day!  It felt so awesome after training for it for so long and then last summer I ran a couple more races and ended the season by running the Diva Dash, which was a BLAST!  Now it’s time to step it up even more and go for the gold, all while supporting myself, my family and my loved ones who can’t run this race!  Here’s to you…Here’s to me!  Let’s kick some ass in 2013!

Here’s Kerrie’s post!  Give it a read, I think you’ll like it. :-)

http://www.sassysinglemom.com/?p=4007

xoxo, Burban Momma

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Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!  2012 brought its share of joys and sorrows to many of us and filled itself with endless possibilities and it always astonishes me when seemingly overnight ;-), it’s a new year. A new day.  A new beginning.  A chance to do something amazing still lies ahead as the road is unpaved and we can choose so many different paths.

A New family begins their journey.  This is 5 years ago when we lived in San Francisco.

A New family of three begins their journey. This is 5- years ago when we lived in San Francisco.

...and Ada makes 4.

…and Ada makes 4.

Welcome Phi!

Here comes Phi!

Our lives have changed a great deal over the past year and as I look ahead to even the next month, we are in for enormous change as our Au Pair from South Africa joins us mid month and I begin the search for who I’ll become in this next chapter of my life.

For 2 1/2 years, I have been a Stay at Home Mom and loved it.   I have been so incredibly lucky to watch Conor grow from a jubilant and very curious toddler to a young independent boy who loves to laugh, be outdoors and is quickly becoming a Lego genius, in his own right. To have experienced life through Ada’s eyes has been remarkable; for she lives in the moment and has such a fierceness and love for life at such a young age, it’s going to be amazing watching her grow into a young woman. And to see Phoenix, with his mischievous smile and rambunctious nature become a toddler and a little person has been magnificent.  I think his Dad’s shoes won’t be too hard to follow for this little guy who knows how to mesmerize his siblings, laugh and already rocks the soccer ball.

Mommy and Conor

Mommy and Conor

Mommy and Ada

Mommy and Ada

Mommy and Phoenix

Mommy and Phoenix

Being a Stay at Home Mom has allowed me the amazing experience of being able to meet phenomenal women in this town we call home through the organization I am Co-President of.  So many of these women deserve non-stop standing ovations and I am humbled to call many my friends. You know those Moms whose husbands are off to work before the kids get up and don’t get home until after they’ve gone to bed.  They amaze me.

14 hours a day of being ON with kids is hard and although a good 70% of the time, it’s fun and we all love it.  The other 30% is a struggle and for me, I struggled to be a good Mom and to not over-multi-task, which honestly I have a BIG problem with.  I find myself trying to accomplish a gazillion things in a short amount of time and many times saying, “Ok, 5 more minutes”, 5 times, before I walk away from the computer or whatever else I may be doing.  Just being a Mom and entertaining the kids and being everything to the kids is hard and I envy and think it’s truly amazing the Moms that can do this and do DO it.

Since I’ve started interviewing and talking with people in the workforce, I have noticed a certain disdain from people who realize I’ve been home with my children (and mind you for only 2.5 years) and I think to myself it’s crazy that I have to portray that I haven’t liked being at home and it’s so boring or that it’s just not enough…I need MORE.  Frankly, being a Stay at Home Mom is harder than ANY job out there and people who think less of Moms going back into the workforce really don’t understand the force they are reckoning with.

When Conor told me he was going to be upset about me going back to work, I said “Conor, I am going to be a better Mommy to you three working outside the home.  I promise you.  When I am home – I am home for you and Ada and Phoenix (and Daddy) and I won’t say ‘5 more minutes please’ over and over.  I will be in the now when we are together.”  I’ve realized how important this is for them and for me, for even though I have been home, I’ve never been 100% home.  I’ve always kept myself busy with marketing projects, writing, and trying to keep my identity outside of being just a Mom and at times it’s been a hard trade-off.  For me, I don’t think I could not do anything else.  I love being co-President of our local Mother’s Group and I enjoy brainstorming about marketing and sales ideas with friends & local business owners.  It’s who I am, but it hasn’t come without a price.

Here’s to 2013 and all it brings.  May it bring you joy and happiness and a sense of peace.  There may be things in your own life that you want to change or do and perhaps this is the year to do it.  Some of those things may be easy and some may be hard…for the hard, I always tell myself to put one foot in front of the other and look ahead toward the horizon and my end goal and no matter how scared or nervous I may be inside, to only show the world my bright smile and before I know it, I’ve accomplished something I wasn’t sure I could.

The complete picture!

The circle is complete!

My goals for 2013:

  1. Find the perfect job
  2. Finish Tough Mudder in May (with Kerrie!!!)
  3. Launch an annual 5K this year to benefit Ovarian Cancer research in support of my beloved Aunt Tracy
  4. Enjoy my 2nd term as Co-President of LexFUN!
  5. Welcome Monique into our life and family as our Au Pair!
  6. Be a better Mommy and Partner to my beautiful and amazing family

Happy New Year!

Xoxo, Burban Momma

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