As some of you know I went back to work a year and a half ago. Back to the craziness of live entertainment and all its demands, excitement and fast-paced exhilaration! It has been as wild a ride as Mr. Toad’s and the year passed us by in a blur. Conor successfully entered and loved kindergarten; Ada completed year 2 of preschool and we welcomed our 1st Au Pair to hang with Phoenix and chauffeur the gang everywhere they needed to be. Tommy continued working at his start-up and between the two of us, a solid 100-120 hours were worked combined a week. Yes, you read that right. Between my 60 hours a week and his 60+ a week, it’s a wonder we saw the kids. Let’s not even recall that I was still Co-President of LexFUN! up until this past June. There were many days I longed for a time-turner like Hermione used in Harry Potter!
My head is almost back on straight, because I swear I’ve had a crook in my neck for over a year just trying to figure out which end is up! I have been slowly writing again and even managed to write the 1st 10 chapters of an adult fiction novel. Yah! I’m glad to be back writing here and writing on my own for my own sanity, as it genuinely helps me breakdown what is going on in our lives and it’s a wonderful way for me to document us as a family.
So here goes…
There are some mornings I can’t cart-wheel to work fast enough and then others when dragging myself off the playground and out of my daughter’s clenched hands at her preschool are heart-wrenching.
Being a mom first and foremost is hard enough, but then add in your own moral values, your determination to be successful, personal goals, reputation, love for anything outside of being just a mom on top of that and Oh My Goodness! My whole being has felt like a surly oyster at the bottom of a murky sea that is full of land mines filled with treasures and explosions that I have to cautiously wade my way through.
Sixty hour work weeks have become my norm: wake up at five twenty a.m. and go to CrossFit. Be back at seven a.m. to work for a couple of hours and help the kids get off to school. Hop in the car and head to work till at least six and sometimes as late as eleven p.m. like the other night. Try to be back in time to actually make dinner or miss family dinner and bedtime completely and quietly sneak into the kid’s rooms while they are fast asleep to kiss each of them on the forehead and tuck them in knowing I will see them in the morning after my workout and after I’ve downed at least one cup of Joe and with any luck two!
I craved the opportunity to go back to work. I MISSED the importance of it – and how it made me feel. Yet now that I am in it, I crave the simple pleasures of watching Conor discover his love for reading; or helping Ada learn how to ride her bike; or just watching Phoenix discover this world and all it has to offer through his bright and excitable eyes. I wonder to myself does Tommy ever crave the kids like I do? Does he ever yearn to be in two places at once every single moment of the day.
I love working, but it comes with the price of being emotionally torn every day and feeling as though I am letting my children down by not being there and ultimately letting someone else who is much younger raise them for the hours we are not there — teaching the kids their values and thoughts, vs. our own.
It’s hard being a parent and I know all of us go through our own challenging journey and I’m realizing that every stage of our lives has different obstacles that demand us to think outside of our comfort zone and ultimately makes us stronger individuals. Many of us work because we need to work whether it be for money, for sanity, or both! The key for me is finding a balance as a parent where I can do what I love outside of being a Mom, while still impacting my children’s lives and being a large part of it in the moment and not from afar.
Here’s to discovering what’s best for us as a a family and myself! Keep your fingers crossed and advice is welcome!